CELLPHONE SNIPPETS

I used to hate waiting (hmm, kinda profound, when you think about it). Senior year high school, my friends and I went stag to our grad ball and had the best time, and I was absolutely postitive that nothing could ruin my night. Until three hours later, when I was still at the hotel lobby (makeup, attitude and good mood gone), waiting for Mama to pick me up, or rather to wake up from her three-hour nap in the car, so she could pick me up. In a time when beepers reigned and landlines still had some use, I had nothing much to do but sit, wait, beep a hopelessly snoring mother, and write furiously on hotel tissue.

Okay, long intro. Just wanted to say thank goodness for mobile phones. Especially ones with large storage capacities and Notes feature. Because sometimes I just don't have tissue.


27 July
Jollibee
Market! Market!
alone, waiting for classmates en route to Pateros

Note 1
The problem with being socially aware is that it sometimes prevents you from doing or wanting something that, in the normal, ignorant plane of existence, you would naturally crave for. like living in a condo with all the creature comforts--in a land grabbed from the people by its very own goverment and sold for a ridiculously and dubiously low price to profit-hungry real estate giants.

How can one live peacefully amid such massive contradictions?

Postrcript. One could retaliate: well if you really had your mind and heart in the right place, you wouldn't even have to prevent yourself. You won't want it in the first place. Right?

Well, in a way, yes. But I'm not a hypocrite. I have my weaknesses. That Serendra being constructed right in front of Market!Market! is oh so tempting.

And yes, the government's rape of our land was orchestrated by that balding, bespectacled guy who JUST WON'T DIE. I hope somebody stuffs his tobacco up his ass so he'd blow up before he once again pulls the rug from under us, becomes Prime Minister and sells our country to the devil like he sold his soul. Whoa galit ata ako.


2
I don't want my future children to grow up in an environment where there is injustice, and find out that their parents are part of it in some way. I don't want to listen to their hearts breaking when they ask me why I did not do anything. I don't want to sigh and say to them, "anak, kayo na bahala, baguhin niyo ang dapat." No, I want to save them before they are born into the consciousness of this tired and sad world.

Parents shouldn't have to be the cause of their child's doubt and cynicism.

---

9 June
beach, Bay's Inn, Baler, Aurora
alone, waiting for everyone else to wake up and relishing the solitude

1
Waves rush to the shore with command and resolve. We are not to be dealt with lightly, they say. You obey, hearing their voice that crashes through and drowns your thoughts. There is peace in this surrender. Such peace. Such comfort, watching, feeling the waves and seeing God's hand. In this windy morning by the sea, life is perfect.

If I surrender to you now, would it be as beautiful? Would you hold me firmly as the waves do? Would you caress my soul in moments of quiet, like this? Would you declare your mighty presence to me? Would you feed my thirst for wonder? Would you be willing to crash into me, too, and surrender your strength? And would you be there to return, over and over again, tirelessly, with the same resolve and passion?

I will sit here, by the shore. I will hold your hand and embrace you as you come near. I will look at you and be forever amazed. And when you go, I will sit again, and wait. But tell me please, will you return?


2
The water curls and rises: anger building. Far away the water crashes from its height. Its greatness is terrifying. But nearing the shore--nearing me--it slowly subsides, its anger dissipating, until all that is left is the gentle foam that crawls towards my feet, as if to say, I am here, did you hear me cry?

I heard you. Come to me, I will run my fingers to sooth your pain.